Saturday, February 11, 2012

I started this Saturday off in my favorite way...I slept in. But sleeping in usually comes with a price to pay such as losing part of the day or missing breakfast hours at McDonalds. But the price I paid this morning was a dream that really upset me.

In my dream I had been away somewhere and when I came home my husband was with another woman. I don't mean your ordinary, having an affair, romp in my bed kind of thing. I mean he was WITH another woman! As in they were living together as a couple and I was out of the picture. That was upsetting. What was weird though was that in my dream, Ryan seemed perfectly fine having both of us there. He didn't seem to understand why I was upset. And the other woman, who I never really got a good look at, didn't seem bothered by my presence either. In the dream my heart was breaking at the same time that I was furious and frustrated with Ry. I mean seriously, what the hell was going on?!

I was awakened in the middle of this dream which led to me waking up with those feelings still running through me. Ryan could tell something was wrong, and questioned me about it. I told him about the dream, and he of course reassured me that nothing like that was going to a good hubby should. We went on about our day which started with both of us getting a Swedish Massage.

This was the second time I had ever had a massage. My first time was the day before we left England (we were stationed there for 3 years). I had worked my butt off getting everything ready for the move, so Ryan had surprised me with a day of relaxation that included an amazing massage. That was about 11 years ago. Today, Ryan lost his massage virginity...figuratively of course...this was not a "happy ending" kind of place. A friend of ours is actually going to school to learn massage and she invited us to come have them done at the school. I was very impressed. It was a much better experience than I expected.

Our friend did Ryan's massage. He was a bit nervous about it. He, like most of us, is self-conscious of his body. And it didn't help that he is friends with her husband. I had my massage done by one of the other students, a young guy that believe it or not is shorter than me. And he looks like he might weigh a buck oh five soaking wet! I was a bit uncertain as to how this might work out. But my concerns were soon put to rest.

The room we were taken to was dimly lit. The massage tables were separated by soft flowing white curtains. And there was wonderfully relaxing music playing softly in the background. I was left alone behind my curtain to strip down to my panties and lay down on my stomach, under the sheet and blanket, with my face resting on the padded circle at the end of the table. When I was ready I quietly let my masseuse know, and he came in and joined me. The bed itself was heated, and that added to the peaceful atmosphere made it easy for me to relax. The young man that did my massage did an amazing job! His touch was perfect, not too hard or too soft. He moved silently around the table, only softly whispering to me when necessary to ask a question or give instructions. And while I was laying there in only my panties, never once did I feel exposed. He only uncovered the areas of my body that were necessary for him to work as he worked on them. When he wasn't working on an area it remained tucked safe and warm under the covers. The only parts of me ever exposed were my back and both legs from about the knee down.

Not having to worry about being exposed and how I looked allowed me to truly relax and let my mind wander. I couldn't tell you what I thought about, only that it was nothing stressful. The frustration of the dream earlier was gone. At the end of my hour and a half massage I met back up with Ry and found that his experience was as relaxing and enjoyable as mine. I decided this was a lovely early Valentine's gift we had given ourselves.

By this time we were starving, but we still needed to head to the mall. Being on a liquid diet greatly limits my dining options. But, being the resourceful woman that I am, I began to think of places that offer soup and pulled out my handy dandy cell phone. There is a Jason's Deli across the street from the mall, so I looked up their soup options and found that they had a tomato and basil soup that sounded yummy. We headed there.

I can't say that it was a direct result of the relaxing massage I'd just had or not, but I had a bit of a revelation as we drove to Jason's Deli, and I shared it with Ryan. It suddenly became clear to me that my dream was not at all about Ryan finding someone else. It was about my inner fear that this surgery would not only change how I look, but who I am. Me "going away" in the dream was a fear of losing myself. The "other woman" was the new me. I had changed so much that I didn't recognize myself. That explains why Ryan was fine with both of us being there. To him we were the same person. I know this surgery will change me, and I want that. There are some changes that truly need to be made. There are parts of myself and my personality that I have hidden away for so long that I'm nervous about what it will be like to see them surface again, but they need to surface. I just don't want the core of who I really am to change. And I think that's what the dream was about.

Lunch was yummy. I had to eat around the chunks of tomatoes in my soup, but I liked it enough that I had Ryan order me one to go. I put the tomatoes I had eaten around in a to go bowl as well. (They all blended up nicely with some protein powder tonight for a smooth and tasty dinner!) Next stop, the mall.

As far as I knew we were headed to the mall to get me some new tennis shoes for working out in, and some refills for my Bath and Body Works air freshener plug in. My old Nike's were starting to wear out, and the fact that my air freshener in my classroom had run out became VERY obvious this week with the presence of a skunk under the school building. But Ryan had a little surprise for me too. So we headed into the first athletic shoe store we came upon. I couldn't tell you which one. But what I can tell you is that the first pair of shoes I tried on were the perfect ones! Lightweight, perfect fit, and cute!!

I was ready to head to Bath & Body Works, but Ryan had planned another stop before that. He knew I was running low or out of a few makeup items, so we headed to MAC. I've been wearing MAC for about a year now, and I love it. But it's pricy. Luckily I don't wear makeup every single day, and I don't wear lots of it when I do. I hadn't been planning to buy more makeup just yet, so it was a nice treat for Ryan to remember that I needed it. What can I say, the man loves to buy things for me. Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? Ryan's love language is gifts. This makes me a spoiled woman!

We finished up our trip to the mall with a stop in at Bath & Body Works. This place is like Wal Mart; you go in for one thing and come out with a bunch of stuff you never knew you needed. We always end up spending more than plan in that store, but I love it! I found a new fragrance for my plug in, Pink Sangria. We both liked it so much that we got the visor clip for the car and the big candle as well. And of course I needed the free with purchase reusable shopping bag they were offering, so I got some body wash while I was at it. I was almost out after all.

We stopped and got dinner for Ryan and the kids on the way home, and concluded our evening by cuddling up in bed and watching a movie. No! Not that kind of movie!!! What kind of people do you think we are? Wait! Don't answer that! Some of you know me and I don't need that kind of publicity. LOL

Anyway, it was a great day. A relaxing massage, a revealing dream, new kicks for my workouts, my favorite makeup, and something to cover up that horrible skunk smell at work. But more than anything, I loved getting to spend the day with my husband. He truly is my best friend. I missed him horribly the month he was gone, and today was just what I needed.


LuLu Kellogg said...

What a perfect day!!!

Karen said...

You had a wonderful day! A loving hubby is a beautiful thing and I'm glad you got insight from your dream.

LuLu Kellogg said...

Way to go!!! YIPPEE!! Keep up the good work!


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